Pretend
by TheSQExperience
Summary: No kisses in the accursed elevator, No kisses outside the hospital. Only a letter written to ease a mind and unintentionally delivered to its intended. What I think could have been possible, with the wonders that was Erica and Callie. One-shot.


AN: Soooo…I am new to the whole Grey's Anatomy thing. My sister told me to watch it because well I am a paramedic and going to med school, and she thought the surgery scenes would be awesome, which they are. Now I am in season 5 just after Erica left, and I can't move on. It just seems very strange that they would end a relationship with such potential because it didn't have the "magic feelings" necessary for a great Grey's love. One that's utter bull shit, and two Erica and Callie's relationship is relatable and real and could have been way WAY more…plus Hahn was hot. Now that my rant is done, here is the beginning of the Callica stories I will be publishing.

Right, uh song lyrics are in italics and everything else is the story.

Disclaimer: They aren't mine. If they were…well things would be different.

* * *

(Erica POV)

It's crazy to think that you go your entire life thinking one thing about yourself only to find that the opposite is true. You think that everything in your heart is true, and then someone comes along and tears what you thought you know into pieces. Is it bad to be grateful for the insight? Or should I squander the chance? I am a world-class cardiothoracic surgeon. I know the heart. I know how it pumps, why it pumps, it's purpose, its every structure and muscle. I know how to physically repair a heart, but how does one learn to fix the emotional pain of a broken heart? Emotional pain, brought on nonetheless by one Addison Montgomery. Her arrival has caused more tension, awkwardness, and longing than I can stand.

_Say, won't you stay; we can talk about nothing at all  
__Or sit here and make up the words as we go along  
__The games, we could play  
__Maybe silently write us a song  
__Quietly shout from the roof that we don't belong_

It would be easier to look at her on a daily basis and not have to wonder what it would be like to hug her, kiss her, love her; because that it what this is. There is no need for a formal declaration; it is in the way I interact with one Calliope Torres. Every word, action, concession, and moment that I dedicate to her is because I love her. I do not make friends easy. Hell it would be fair to say that a rabid honey badger makes friends easier than I do. But there is something about her. Something that sets me at ease. It's as though she sees the walls that I have put up, the walls made necessary by my less than stellar past, and she accepts them. I am not Erica Hahn, the unwanted; I am Erica Hahn, her best friend. I am a whole person not broken from my past but pieced back together into something stronger and better. Sure those pieces occasionally show themselves but she does not judge me for it but accepts that they are there. I know not of how she sees me, but I know that I do want something more than this. Being friends with Callie has been everything, but I want to be her everything. Perhaps a letter then?

_They told me maybe she's crazy a little like you  
__Everyone said you were nothing but trouble and  
__All that I know is that I've never been here before  
__And no, I'll never leave, if it's alright with you  
__Dreaming of oceans while jumping in puddles and  
__All of my life I pretend you where there by the door  
__I don't need to pretend any more._

_Strange, oh so strange  
__When it feels better being alone  
__You accept there is nobody else and set it in stone  
__And then you, came along  
__Your reflection was so sad and strong  
__You made me believe once again that I could be wrong._

(Callie POV)

Callie,

In the time that we have come together as friends, you have shown me a truth that I can no longer keep hidden. For the longest time, I thought that I could be content with going with how things have always been. I am the unwanted daughter, the misfit, the headstrong surgeon, and most importantly I have be unwavering, unmoved, and unrestrained for so long that I have forgotten what it means to actually breathe. At times, we see our lives in moments, precious perfect moments that we are in awe of. I have not had as many of those moments until I became friends with you. You, and your unrelentless passion for all things you do in life, have shown me that the way that I lived before was not living, but only existing.

_They told me maybe she's crazy a little like you  
__Everyone said you were nothing but trouble and  
__All that I know is that I've never been here before  
__And no, I'll never leave, if it's alright with you  
__Dreaming of oceans while jumping in puddles and  
__All of my life I pretend you where there by the door  
__I don't need to pretend any more_.

_And it hurts, to know, there was somebody out there as strange and  
__As beautiful, as you  
__If I'd known sooner_

You get me on a level that no one seems to understand. You see me when everyone else sees a stone cold individual. You listen to my problems and offer advice. You make me laugh inspite of my awkwardness around people. You understand the life of being a competitor. You are a cage-fighter, Callie. You are brutal, honest, kind, compassionate, intelligent, and beyond beautiful. If I could go on I would, but the fact of the matter is that I can no longer be the person you need me to be. That person has evolved into the one that I am, a woman in love with her best friend. Me in love with you. And while I know that it will be hard, I know that you will have your doubt, hell I even figure that you will cut me from your life completely, but I cannot change my feelings. I can only hope that you take me for what I am and understand that while I did not intend to fall in love with you, I have. I am 100% head over heals in love with you. I go to sleep at night distraught and you may ask yourself why, but the only person who can say why is a wise man, one Dr. Seuss. "You know you're in love when you can't fall asleep because reality is finally better than your dreams." There it is. In as simple of terms that I can make it. Sleep holds no respite for me, but only nightmares. For anytime without thought of you is pain in itself.

_Maybe she's crazy a little like you  
__Everyone said you were nothing but trouble  
__All that I know is that I've never been here before  
__And no, I'll never leave, if it's alright with you  
__Dreaming of oceans while jumping in puddles and  
__All of my life I pretend you where there by the door  
__I don't need to pretend any more_.

_I don't need to pretend anymore  
__I don't need to pretend anymore_

It is without further delay that I will tell you, that if there is any reciprocation of these feelings, hidden, omitted, or otherwise shielded, please let me know. I can be your friend Callie; I can remain your best friend and love you from afar. But if there is a chance, then let's take it. I know it's a risk, I know it's terrifying and new. I also know that everything that has true worth in life comes with risks. And you are worth it Callie. Never doubt that.

Your undeniable friend,

Erica Hahn

I fold the letter back up before wiping the tears from my eyes. This letter is the most honest and beautiful thing anyone has ever written to me. I wish I had seen it before. Before Addison and the subsequent Mark Sloan debacle happened. I have spent so much time denying what is right in front of me. It takes great courage to do what Erica did, writing a letter and delivering it to my locker at the hospital. Do I answer her letter with one in return, or just be the spontaneous being that I am and give her an answer in person.

(No POV)

The door opens and a sigh is heard. At the door stands a blonde, striking in appearance, but standing as though she has the weight of the world on her shoulders, Erica Hahn. In her direct sight stands the one person in the world who can break her, her best friend Callie Torres. She steps into the room, locks the door, and leans back against its steady surface.

"Callie, are you okay?" The figure at the locker stiffens before turning to look at her, one hand across her stomach and the other holding the letter by her side. "Is everything…" Her gaze falls to the letter in Callie's hand. "I didn't….where did you…who gave you that?" her stutters and whispered question betrays her outer calm appearance.

"Erica," the Latina utters, "did you mean it?" She steps closer to the figure against the door. A nod is her response. "Why didn't you tell me?"

Erica leans her head back against the door and closes her eyes. "Would it have made a difference Callie? Would knowing sooner have stopped the panic? Would it have made you talk to me rather than avoid me? Would it have made you…" a brief pause before she lowers her head to look Callie in the eye "make you love me? I am still not sure how that letter came to you, and I'm not regretting it. But I can't be here right now." Erica quickly turns to leave the room.

"Erica" the figure stops with her hand on the handle. "Your letter was beautiful and honest. It was truthful and full of emotion that brings tears to my eyes just remembering such heartfelt words." Callie closes the distance between the two of them and places a hand on Erica's shoulder. "Please look at me." Erica turns with a lowered head. Callie uses one hand to lift her chin, while the other goes to her waist. "Your letter didn't make me love you, that is impossible." Erica turns her head and the hand under her chin moves to her cheek to bring their eyes back together. "It is impossible because I already love you and I want you to know…" she kisses her, a soft kiss, one full of love, hope, home, and promise, then brings her lips close to her ear

"…You are worth it too."

* * *

Right..so the song it Pretend by Scott Porter and the Glory Dogs. An absolutely beautiful song…one of my favorites and it just made sense for the Erica/Callie pairing. I hope you enjoyed. Drop me a message with some ideas, but I am working on more one-shots.

Arrivederci,

Sage


End file.
